This is one of my why’s. The reason that I want to focus on mentoring those at the start of a career or those who are going through a significant transition within their career.  As with most ‘Why’ stories, it is grounded in my own experiences with a need to replicate the best, avoid the bad and change the worst or the ugly!

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Overall, my general experience of being mentored has been really positive and whether intentionally or not, my mentors influenced me heavily. So let’s dig into the details…

The Good.

The mentors that I most admired were the strong women who were forging ahead of me. They showed me how to use my natural strengths to build my confidence, gain support and credibility.

I watched and learnt while they planned, presented, researched and debated. I also saw how they resisted the attempts from other colleagues to undermine or diminish them and I noticed when it did hit home and how they reacted.  Essentially, I was able to see all sides of working life. 

Their honesty helped me to establish and hold my own boundaries and I learnt to prioritise the things that I valued and let the other stuff slide.

My ‘Good’ mentors were incredibly generous with their time and patience and I felt that I could never ask a bad question. I was even indulged the occasional whinge and moan, although not for too long!  

Their honesty helped me to establish and hold my own boundaries and I learnt to prioritise the things that I valued and let the other stuff slide. They gave me just enough freedom and authority to grow and learn, but never too much to completely overwhelm me.  That’s not to say that it was all hand-holding, I certainly made (and continue to make!) enough mistakes and errors of judgement, but I felt that I was in a safe environment to take the risk and that they would have my back at the end of the day. 

The Bad.

I saw the less positive side of mentoring when my mentors felt greatly superior to me and had a sense of entitlement, assuming that I should approach every conversation with awe and reverence, waiting for the great truths of life to be delivered! 

Supporting, encouraging and guiding the next generation as part of the company’s growth, should be a priority for all senior people in an organisation, in my opinion. 

Either that or complete indifference, viewing mentoring as an irritation that ate into their time. I do understand that daily pressures of work at a senior level and the lack of support they themselves were feeling were directly related to their view of mentoring me, they just didn’t have the time or felt that there were other priorities that sat above me. However supporting, encouraging and guiding the next generation as part of the company’s growth, should be a priority for all senior people in an organisation, in my opinion. 

Needless to say, I didn’t spend much time with these individuals and looked for support elsewhere! 

The resilience I built from these occasions still stands me in good stead today when building my own business.

It did teach me to be independent however, and to take responsibility for my own career and learning. If I needed something, I would have to find another way to get it.  I also learnt the skills of how to approach others who I didn’t know, but who I believed could help me. 

Thanks to the learning from my Good mentors, I realised that confidence and empathy were my tools here. Often just asking is the hardest part and then not taking it personally if someone doesn’t have the time or doesn’t respond at all. I realised that I didn’t have any idea what was happening in their lives, so just to accept the response and move on.

The resilience I built from these occasions still stands me in good stead today when building my own business.

The Ugly.

These are the situations where unfortunately I encountered discrimination, sexist behaviour and ‘boys club’ mentality in my mentors.  I’m highlighting these because I can now see that lots of small events, comments and conversations impacted my confidence, made me feel wary and excluded – which are not things that should be happening in a workplace or anywhere else. 

I don’t want my mentees to feel powerless.

At the time each happening was so small and felt so insignificant, like commenting on what I was wearing or my bra size (!), that aside from feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed, I didn’t feel that I had a ‘case’.

Looking back now, I can see the whole picture and although I can’t go back in time and address those responsible, I can bring to my own mentoring a strong message about this behaviour. I don’t want my mentees to feel powerless.

At the time each happening was so small and felt so insignificant, like commenting on what I was wearing or my bra size (!), that aside from feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed, I didn’t feel that I had a ‘case’.

I’m also painfully aware that as a white, middle class, well-educated woman I have only ever experienced the thin end of the wedge.  I can only imagine the deep pain, anger and suffering felt by others in far more extreme scenarios. To these people I offer my support and my voice.

This ugly side of mentoring happens when the mentor feels that they can behave like this because they have a ‘special’ relationship with the mentee and one where ‘banter’ is excused and laughed off. It’s simply an abuse of power, a complete disregard of boundaries and a lack of respect – like so many other cases we hear about. 

So my ‘Why’ behind Find Your Wings is driven by wanting those starting in a new career to have the best possible chance at succeeding and thriving by growing as people within a supportive environment. I also want to show my children that I have built something that I can be proud of and which stands up for my values.

If any of this resonated with you and you’d like support with your own career challenges or to ensure that your employees get positive, responsible mentoring, then send me a message.